What kind of work do you love the most?


I like career tests almost as much as I like personality quizzes*. And yesterday I stumbled upon a really good one, called the Sparketype Test. The guy who created it, Jonathan Fields, has a podcast called the Good Life Project. He has interviewed all the usual suspects (another Brene Brown/Seth Godin/Elizabeth Gilbert interview, anyone? Sure. Why not? I always learn something new). I like his gentle, seemingly ego-free personality and the questions he asks guests (ending with, “When you hear the phrase ‘good life’–‘live a good life’–what does that mean to you?”).

He has extensive experience working with big groups of people on the topic of finding meaning and purpose, particularly as it pertains to work, and after seeing patterns emerge again and again, he came up with a test for helping people identify the type of work that “lights them up” (thus, “Sparketype”). I already know what kind of work I love (the reason I know, for sure, is because each time I finish shooting something, I make a list of other things I like to do that would be easier and likely more profitable, but I never can commit to doing any of them, so I suck it up and start writing the next script). Anyway, I can’t resist a self-test so I took it. And I found the questions really interesting, and sort of surprising. He has identified certain categories of work that, weirdly, I hadn’t recognized or thought of in quite the same way til I saw his phrasing.

Before you take the test, he tells you to answer honestly–don’t pick responses that reflect how you’d like to be, or how you think you should be. (I was glad he said this because I might’ve been tempted to side with some of the more altruistic statements in the test. Even though I of course like helping others, it turns out this is not my driver regarding work. In his follow-up “Sparketype Mastery Guide,” he explains why this is not something to feel bad about.)

If you take the test (which is quick, and free), let me know what Sparketype you are. My Sparketype is “The Maker” (making ideas manifest) and my secondary/shadow Sparketype is “The Maven” (driven to learn). Your secondary Sparketype is not necessarily a type of work you should pursue but instead an activity you probably perform ‘in service to’ your primary Sparketype (i.e., I learn about a particular topic so that I can make better things).

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Sparketype – The Test

*The two best personality tests ever:

  • Gretchen Rubin’s “The Four Tendencies” (apparently, most people are either a Questioner or an Obliger. The rarer types are Upholders and Rebels. Rubin has figured out how to work around the challenges you face, depending on your type, so that you can attain any goal, finishing whatever you start): https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies-quiz/

3 things that have been a surprise to me

Over the last two years that I’ve been shooting without a crew, I’ve been surprised by three things:

  1. If there is anything you really wish you knew how to do, it is possible to learn it. I spent almost the last two decades thinking I was not the kind of person who could learn how to operate a camera, light a scene, record sound and edit footage. I’ve never been a tech-y person. When I was in my 20s, my then 8yo sister sat down with a new digital watch and changed all of the settings herself, and I was amazed. But the cliche is true. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
  2. The dread I felt about learning new, “difficult” things was unfounded. Going outside of your comfort zone, taking the risk of looking dumb, being willing to suck at something when you are in that icky-feeling “just getting started” phase–it’s unnerving but it’s also exhilarating. You feel ALIVE. Like anything is possible. You suddenly have a vehicle to get you from here to THERE.
  3. Another thing that has surprised me is that, when you are completely immersed in learning something new or having fun using your newfound skills, it crowds out a lot of your bad habits. You don’t spend nearly as much time worrying, looking at your phone, being concerned about what others think, and otherwise wasting precious time.
  4. Okay, wait, there’s a 4th thing, and it’s the most surprising of all:  There comes a day when you look up and all of these activities that used to intimidate the hell out of you have become part of your daily routine.

Currently, I’m in a comfort zone again, somewhat. And once again, I don’t want to stretch and feel the discomfort of trying new things, to get to the next level.


I guess that’s just a testament to how hard it is to fight inertia.

When you think of the times in which you learned a new skill or pushed yourself to do something challenging, is it gratifying? Do you feel proud?

There’s a saying: “All happiness is growth.”

Maybe not ALL happiness is growth. But arguably progress is one of the most gratifying things we can experience, including observing it in others. For example, it’s really great to see a child you love overcome some difficulty or learn something new.



People who say “No, thanks” to reality

After experiencing a major setback early in life, why do some people scale back their expectations or even shrink from life while others go for broke?

The other night we watched the documentary above, about the Broadway production of the musical, “Merrily We Roll Along,” by Stephen Sondheim and Hal Prince, in the early 80s. I had read that it was about “how we frame success and failure,” which is what made me want to see it.

In the film, director Lonny Price talks about how, growing up, he was not good at sports and did not fit in at school. When he took drama class, he found his place. At summer camp, he played the original cast recording of the Broadway musical, “Company,” so incessantly that everyone in his cabin memorized it. He remarked, “Somewhere in America there’s a 55-year-old divorce lawyer who can sing every verse of ‘Another Hundred People’ flawlessly. Whether he wants to or not.”

The idea of these 14-year-old boys at camp being subjected to a showtunes album just because Lonny loved it so much killed me.

Also, people who look at regular, normal life and say, “No, thanks” and immerse themselves in a world that is more to their liking, like musical theater (playing dress-up and make-believe)–that fascinates me.

We also watched the new documentary, “Jerry Before Seinfeld.” In it, Jerry says that when he was young, he bought all the hit comedy albums, and when he graduated high school and learned from friends that there was a growing comedy club scene in New York, he said, “Oh, I want to be in that world. I don’t want to be in the real world.”

I just realized that my way of opting out of the real world, when I was young, was to read books. Now it’s making movies and web series with friends. And I want to do that–“be in that world”–as often as possible.






Lose yourself in Bruce Springsteen’s memoir

A book you can’t put down! A critic observed that Bruce could become a full-time novelist if he wanted, because he’s that good a writer. Which his fans already know, because his lyrics are great. What you learn in the book is that he realized, early on, that writing was his strength. That, and the fact that he applied a blue collar work ethic to becoming a rock star.

He is really good at describing feelings that are hard to articulate–he captures the full range of human experience. And you find out all kinds of interesting things, like about how when he finally had huge success, he walked into a therapist’s office and burst into tears, because he was hurting so much at that time of his life. It’s a great read and a nice escape for a while–it’s thick! Takes time to read it. Toward the end, I kept putting off finishing it, because I didn’t want it to be over.

If you develop full Bruce mania, you gotta see the documentary, “The Promise: The Making of Darkness on the Edge of Town.” At one point in the film he says, “More than rich, more than famous, more than happy–” (he gives a short, tight laugh) “–I wanted to be great.” Fuck yeah, you did, Bruce!!! Here’s a great song from the album (“Darkness on the Edge of Town”). Play it full blast while lying in a hot bath, and just think about life, man.


Can’t get that rush without music

You know that feeling you get when you’re watching a great scene in one of your favorite movies–the sudden intense thrill or euphoria, or “the chills,” or however you describe that pulse quickening and wave of emotion you experience? Well, if you think about it, it’s probably really rare to have that experience without music accompanying the scene. I am probably the last person to realize this, but I have to keep reminding myself of it occasionally so that I make music a priority in my work.

I think the movie “Desperately Seeking Susan” is great, even if the writing is arguably a little thin sometimes. But there’s this moment at which the score, by Thomas Newman (cousin of Randy Newman), makes all the difference–it just takes the movie to another level, and it’s awesome. This isn’t the specific scene, it’s a montage, but see if you don’t get chills:



My friend Denise sent me this. She is always up on everything and finds the best stuff. She found this pic @ultravioletkids. Her IG account is private–@anapamu–but if you ask, she’ll probably say yes.


Attractive robot woman says mindblowing stuff

What if your depression, anxiety, flatness and/or brain fog are not caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain but instead by blood sugar imbalance, inflammation caused by sensitivity to gluten and dairy and side effects from medicines like antacids, antibiotics and birth control pills? That’s what Dr. Kelly Brogan tells Marie Forleo in this interview, above.

According to Dr. Brogan, if people were willing to avoid gluten, dairy and sugar and eat a diet high in natural fats (seeds, nuts, coconut oil, olive oil, etc.), get some B vitamins (eggs, seafood, red meat and/or nutritional yeast) and a little sun and exercise (just 20 minutes a day), they wouldn’t need meds.


She mentions a “37yo psychotic woman” who was found to have a sensitivity to wheat, stopped eating it, and is now okay. WOW. In her holistic psychiatric practice, she asks patients to try her 30-day diet and, assuming they find it beneficial, she helps them taper off of meds. If you want to factor in a lot of dissenting opinions on why people shouldn’t get off meds, read the Comments section under this video on YouTube. Some people maintain that certain issues can only be solved with meds. Whomever you believe, seems like people should not get off meds if they’re not able or willing to eat a diet that reduces inflammation, which understandably, a lot of people aren’t. Like Brogan says, most people’s attitude is, “you’ll have to pry wheat and dairy out of my cold dead hands.”


(When I mentioned this inflammation-mental health connection to a friend, she said all of this is covered in the bestselling book, “The Grain Brain.” I have the book but haven’t read it and I still am not interested. I figure I don’t need to read it since I already don’t eat wheat and barely ever eat other grains. But because I’ve never read the book, I’ve never known why exactly so many people are intolerant to wheat/bread now, when years ago they didn’t used to be. My friends says it’s because it’s made differently now. It’s not as digestible as it once was because wheat is harvested too quickly or something, to increase production/profits, and now bromide is added and it’s bad for us, etc.)


Dr. Brogan says that a simple way to start to make a change is by eating a healthier breakfast, because it can significantly affect your performance the rest of the day. She says when you eat a bagel, it causes the body to oversecrete insulin (to deal with the sugar in the bloodstream) and then you crash and then you’re “hangry”–hungry and angry. This word has stuck with me.


I ate a ton of sugar and white flour when I was young. I remember being angry a lot. For example, I was always flipping off other drivers. For a while, I went to a good therapist, but I wish I could’ve gone to Dr. Brogan.


Her robot-like demeanor has grown on me. I guess if you are challenging people’s deeply ingrained beliefs and if you’re talking to people about the brain, you have to be as professional and unemotional as possible.

Marie Forleo’s phrase, “Nuggets O’ Wisdom,” kills me.

Honestly, this seems too good to be true–the idea of mental health stuff being solved by diet and lifestyle. But maybe years from now, this will be the accepted wisdom.

How f-ed up is this–I just thought to myself, “Hey, maybe in the future there will be a pill specifically designed to eliminate inflammation!”

But seriously. That would be great.

Sara Blakely: Baller!

She looks like just another smile-y blonde lady, but the more you learn about her, the more interesting she becomes. She’s the youngest self-made billionaire woman in the world, according to Forbes, and despite having survived her share of dark experiences when young, including seeing her best friend get run over, right in front of her, in their cul-de-sac, and having a mother who dealt with chronic depression, she seems freakishly well-adjusted, positive and fun.

Even if you’re like, “Whatevs”

You HAVE to admit it was brilliant of her to create a product for which the target market is HALF THE POPULATION (or at least every woman over, say, 12 years old). Everyone from slim, fit celebrities to the average woman getting married, preparing for an important meeting or date, or trying to create “a more perfect canvas” for her clothes, as Blakely puts it, will sooner or later find herself purchasing Spanx. And now, what’s weird is even guys can buy her shapewear. (It’s surprising to me that men are buying the compression garments shown on the Spanx site, but Blakely’s self-proclaimed knack is “knowing what the customer wants before they know they want it.” So, maybe men are buying Spanx products like crazy? SOMEBODY is, because she’s making a shitload of money. Interesting tidbit: A few weeks before she married her husband, also a successful entrepreneur named Jessie Itzler, she had to confess to him that she was richer than he thought. She told him her company doesn’t just make a few million a year, it makes a few hundred million a year. His reaction? He cried, because he was so happy for her. I’m sorry, but I love these people!)

Here are 14 things that have stayed with me after listening to interviews of Blakely:

  1. While growing up, at the dinner table her father would ask her and her brother what they’d failed at that week, and he’d be disappointed if they had nothing to report. If she did say, “Hey, I tried out for something at school and was horrible!”, they’d high-five each other. Because he helped to “reframe failure” for her–it became about not trying, rather than the outcome–she was not daunted by the challenge of trying to start her business. To this day, if it’s been a while since she has taken a risk or embarrassed herself, she’ll purposefully do something like sing in a crowded elevator. (!)
  2. When she graduated college, she wanted to go to law school but failed the LSAT. So, she took the only job she could get at the time–selling fax machines door to door. She heard “no” several times a day, every day, for the 7 years she did it. She would have to sneak past security guards in office buildings that didn’t allow solicitors. She had her business card torn up in her face and she was shown out of buildings. She was so frustrated, she cried all the time. There were days when she would just drive to a park and sit and cry. But all this experience hearing “no” taught her not to get discouraged. When she was trying to persuade manufacturers to make the first Spanx, she was told no by all of them. So, she flew to North Carolina (where the mills were located) and was again told no, in person, by all of them. Two months later, she received a call from one of the men whom had turned her down. He said his daughters thought her product was a good idea, but what had stuck in his mind is her infectious enthusiasm. He agreed to make her product, although he still thought it was not going to succeed. Later, when she got her first order from Neiman-Marcus, she called to tell him and he was surprised–he thought she’d only be handing out her Spanx as Christmas gifts to friends.
  3. Her parents divorced when she was in high school, and the day her father moved out, he gave her a Wayne Dyer tape titled, “How to Be a No-Limit Person.” Because she was going through a dark period of her life, in which she’d recently witnessed her best friend get run over by a car in their cul-de-sac, she was receptive. She became very interested in positive thinking and self development, so much so that her friends would joke that they didn’t want to ride in her car because she would make them listen to that self-help ‘crap.’ Today, she believes one of the most important things she does for her continuing self development is allowing herself alone time to think and get ideas. She said she loves thinking so much that it’s almost like a hobby. She feels that while driving in her car she is “most connected to gut,” and so she factors in extra time in the morning for a fake commute, in which she spends 40 minutes to an hour driving around Atlanta before going to her office, which is actually only 5 minutes from her home.
  4. I think it’s significant that she was working a sales job in the early 90s. Women still wore pantyhose to work back then, and she clearly was used to the smoothing effect they had on her behind, because one night, she was going to a party and wanted to wear hose under the new, cream-colored pants she’d bought. But she didn’t want the toe part to be visible in her open-toed heels. So, she cut off the feet of the hose. And she immediately thought to herself, “Are you my idea?” Because at that point, she was actively looking for an idea, because she had become so depressed in her fax machine sales job that she’d decided she was not living the life she was meant to live, that she was “in the wrong movie.” She had made a list of the things she was good at, including sales, and she had written the following on a piece of paper: “I want to invent a product that I can sell to millions of people that will make them feel good.” She spent two years developing her product, all the while being told no over and over, being warned by friends and family that it was not a wise use of her $5,000 in savings, that a bigger company would just steal the idea from her, etc. She said that every day she would think to herself, Who am I to do this? She didn’t have a business degree, had never worked in fashion, and knew nothing about designing clothes.
  5. I can’t remember if she finally quit her day job selling fax machines when Neiman’s made the first order or after Oprah held up a pair of Spanx on her show and said, “This is my favorite thing!” (Blakely had sent Spanx to Oprah’s longtime stylist.) Btw, when Oprah’s people called to say they wanted to come shoot footage of her team at the Spanx offices, Blakely agreed, then scrambled to get a team and an office. I think she ended up grabbing the woman from her local wrap-and-mail place? And maybe she and some other acquaintances or friends sat in a circle, pretending to have a meeting, in her townhouse? Can’t remember exactly. I might be making some of this up.
  6. At home, Blakely and her husband mostly discuss ideas. She says they rarely talk about other people or events. She says her husband is very entertaining to be married to and that they understand each other deeply and value each other’s ideas.
  7. When asked to list the 4 words that best describe her, Blakely said, “Inventive. Driven. Courageous. And tired.” Something like that. She said that in the 80s, she would’ve described herself as funny, but now she’s too tired to be funny.
  8. Her motto: The more you experience in life, the more you have to offer others. She was once at a dinner party and said, “I have a motto,” and everyone looked expectantly at her and suddenly she forgot what her motto was. Later, her husband had a neon sign custom made for their living room that reads, “I have a motto, but I forgot what it is.”
  9. She believes that when we are in a really bad place in life, that’s when we’re in a great place to make a change. She said if she hadn’t been in the wrong job, dating the wrong guy, etc., she probably wouldn’t have taken such a radical action.
  10. She was focused on making Spanx the best product of its kind in the world (that’s probably why bigger companies didn’t create something to top it–because “what she had going for her is that she cared the most”).
  11. She did standup comedy for two years. What it taught her is the importance of choosing the right words for maximum impact. Because of her belief in the importance of this, when she talked about herself or her product, she took all doubt language out of her delivery. Instead of saying, “I think this is going to be great,” she’d say, “I know this is going to be great.”
  12. At first, she had to explain to people what her product was, what it offered. People were like, “Why do I need footless pantyhose?” and she’d be like, “It’s about the butt! The canvas!”
  13. While working on her idea, she didn’t tell anyone about it for a year or so. She said she was not looking for validation. She didn’t want to spend time defending her idea to family and friends, she wanted to pursue it. I think this is possibly the most badass thing about her.
  14. She believes that what you don’t know can be your competitive edge. She says if you don’t know how it’s supposed to be done, it’s pretty likely you’re going to do it different. For example, people in the retail fashion industry would ask her HOW she got Neiman’s to carry her product and she would simply say, “I called them.” (She repeatedly called the head buyer for Neiman’s, just like she did when she was selling fax machines, and she would never leave a message, and then finally one day the woman picked up!) Turns out, all the people in the biz were accustomed to going to trade shows, where they hoped that Neiman’s would come by their booth! They never actually called Neiman’s directly! (This blows my mind!)

My theory about Sara Blakely

I think the most winning thing about Sara Blakely is not her ideas, her persistence, or her “scrappy” sales instinct. The most winning thing about her is her bubbly personality. Listen to any interview of her and see if you don’t wish you were friends with her.


If you, too, need a fire under your ass, constantly

Lately, I’ve realized that I don’t just like motivational and inspirational videos, I need them. Because I also recently realized that what I do (write and direct) scares the hell out of me, and it takes a constant stream of motivational messages for me to keep having the courage to do it. So, now I’ve purposefully made positivity a part of my daily routine. While working out in the morning, I play a video or two from Marie Forleo, Gary Vaynerchuk, or Tony Robbins, and it helps point me in a good direction for the day. It helps fill my brain with thoughts of what I want, not what I don’t want.

Speaking of Marie Forleo… Following is a link to what I think is her best video (and they’re ALL good). It’s called “How to Get Anything You Want.” You have to give up your email address, but she doesn’t abuse it. You’ll only hear from her once a week, and the email is always beneficial. Marie is sometimes corny, but it’s part of what makes her awesome. You WILL want to fork over $2K to attend her online B-school. I haven’t done it, but I am seriously tempted. Anyway. I have followed her for so long now, I think of her as a friend. I just reread that last line and it sounds nuts. Oh, well.

Get Started With Marie Now

“Triple down on what you’re good at”

“Figure out what puts you on fire and you’re half-decent at and become tunnel-vision! And this is the biggest thing I’ve seen dividends from: Have the conversation with the person that’s holding you back. The reason most people are not doing that thing is that they’re worried about the opinion of somebody. Usually their mother. Usually their father. The reality is that your spouse may be holding you back. You have to get to a place where you’re doing you. Because the #1 thing that scares the f–k out of me is regret. You’re gonna sit there at 72 and say, “I wish…. I wish… I wish…” Figure out your thing–what you love to do–and stop making bullshit excuses.”

Gary Vaynerchuk